Grief Requires Action

Grief, in all its overwhelming weight, requires action. Without action, we remain stuck, crushed, and undone. We must tend to our grief almost daily, especially in the early stages of acute grief.

Grief is a condition, a lifestyle, and a choice. It lives at every intersection of our lives and courses through every fiber of our being. Once rooted, there is no getting rid of it. Our choice in grief is simple but not easy: we can either confront it, or hide from it.

The Physical Reality of Grief

Grief is extremely overwhelming and has tangible physical effects on our bodies. In the early stages of acute grief, our minds flood with the stress of our loss and our bodies begin to break down.

You will experience:

• Increased fatigue and exhaustion that feels bone-deep

• Sleep disruption—difficulty falling asleep, staying asleep, or sleeping too much

• Appetite changes—food becomes either an obsession or completely absent from your life

• Digestive issues—stomach upset, nausea, and digestive disruption

• Heightened anxiety that seems to come from nowhere

• Compromised immunity—making you more susceptible to illness when you can least afford it

The future dims and all but extinguishes. With no hope, no future, no vision, there is no clarity. Mix in the overwhelm and physical side effects of grief, and everything feels both urgent and pointless simultaneously.

There is a deadness to life.

The taste in food disappears.

The rest in sleep vanishes.

The joy in connection gets severed as isolation kicks in.

All your routines, wants, and desires feel diminished.

The path forward becomes unclear.

This is all normal. This is okay.

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Why Grief Demands Movement

Grief requires action because it is not a static emotion, sensation, or feeling. It wants to move and wander through your body and to be brought forward from your subconscious flow through your conscious mind.

It wants to be noticed.

As simple and perhaps foolish as that sounds, grief just wants your attention.

I spent years thinking I could best my grief. I went to every type of therapy, traditional and esoteric. I pushed myself to the brink many times over attempting to “heal” my grief. But that was the wrong kind of action. Or, at least, the wrong kind of attention.

I tried to speed up the process of healing.

Redefining Healing in Grief

Grief is not a physical ailment that can be healed like a cut that mends and leaves no trace. Grief is something entirely different.

Healing in grief means growing your relationship with it.

It means creating space around the grief that allows us to hold it as we move forward in our lives. It is where we begin to see it as a part of us, but not the entirety of us. Healing in grief means confronting all the deepest parts of ourselves that it exposes. It means sitting with the deeply uncomfortable and often painful emotions and sensations it presents.

Grief is forever.

This is all normal. This is okay.

The Gentle Action Process

Action and movement are critical for your journey with grief, but they don’t have to be monumental.

Start as simply as giving yourself permission to pause and rest. Focus on eating, hydrating, and sleeping as much as you are able. I know even those basic things can be difficult. I barely slept for an entire year and only recently started eating regularly–years into my journey.

As you progress, notice without judgement.

Begin to notice the sensations and emotions coming up. Just notice them. Name them. Don’t judge them or yourself. It’s all okay.

Begin to move more.

Take a walk.

Work out for five minutes.

Whatever gets you moving.

Again, no judgments. Nothing earth-shattering, just allow yourself any kind of movement. When you feel hit by heavy emotions during that movement, notice it. I would often be working out when, seemingly out of nowhere, deep emotions would hit me. I’d have to stop and either scream or cry. Or both.

It’s all okay and normal.

And eventually, when the time feels right, begin to rebuild and rediscover.

Start to recreate your daily rituals and habits. Spend time discovering what you want and could possibly find enjoyment in. Give yourself permission to explore and experiment. You are a new person. A child wandering the world anew. The old you ceased and departed with your loved one. Your identity has been shattered.

It’s normal. It’s okay.

I began writing about my experiences and stumbles through my first year. Eventually turning that into a book. The words I put to the page were my lifeline. It was how I processed the enormity of the emotions I was feeling. Seeing them outside of my body helped me to gain perspective, and more importantly, relief.

So, here is your permission to go discover the new person that you are.

Remember This 

Tiny steps are still action.

They are still movement.

There is no timeline for grief. Progress isn’t linear. Expect setbacks and honor them. Everyone grieves differently, and comparison is one of the most destructive things you can do to yourself in grief.

Your grief will always come in waves, and that’s why you must give yourself grace and be kind to yourself. Because grief sucks. There’s no other way to say it.

But within that sucking, within that overwhelming weight, there is also profound growth waiting. Grief can become your superpower—increasing your empathy and ability to support others without trying to fix everything.

Remind yourself every day: "grief requires action."

Even when action feels impossible, even when everything feels pointless, especially then, remind yourself. The smallest movement forward is still movement. And movement is how we learn to carry our grief differently as we rebuild our lives around this new reality.